“ADAM, YOU AREN’T WORTHY, BUT THAT SHOULDN’T STOP YOU!”
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This year’s Easter Vigil was the fifteenth anniversary of my entry into the Church. Receiving all of the sacraments of initiation was the first big milestone in a process of personal discernment that eventually led to my ordination as a deacon in November 2019.
My years of discernment have convinced me of several things, most importantly that God has a plan for every one of us, and that He gives us gifts and charisms to assist us in realising His plans. I have always marvelled at the diversity in the Church. People are called to serve God and His Church in such interesting ways, as a cursory look at the lives of the saints will confirm. Some combine a serious faith commitment with participation in secular professions. I have read of a Dominican sister who is a physician, a Jesuit brother who is an astronomer, and a Holy Cross priest who is a historian specialising in American presidents! Such examples helped me to accept that God might be calling me to be a deacon, while remaining committed to my marriage and my professional life.
I have never really had a problem trying new things, but I did struggle with a couple of aspects of discernment. First, was the sense of a lack of worthiness. Why on earth would God call me to anything, especially ordained ministry? As the Archbishop told me: “Adam, you aren’t worthy, but that shouldn’t stop you!” Second, I needed to learn to give up my normal preference for planning and being in control. Very early on, we were told that the Church discerns vocations, and it is clear to me there is a great deal of wisdom in this approach.
In the end, these struggles turned out to be positives in that they disposed me to the process of discernment and freed me to respond to God’s promptings without my plans and preferences drowning out the Holy Spirit. Now, I am left with a feeling of peace, knowing that I am, amidst my myriad inadequacies and occasional uncertainties, fulfilling God’s plan for my life. I trust that He will make up for whatever I lack.